Monday, 17 November 2014

Body Confidence

Before I start this post I just want to say that this is me completely just sitting down and saying what's on my mind. This is something that is very sensitive to me and I just needed to get it off of my chest. However I genuinely had to do this in a positive way because that is my mindset, I'm sharing this with you to hopefully reassure you and help you be more accepting of yourself, because I think it is so important xx

Today I want to sit down and talk about something that is very personal to me and has really become a big issue for me over the past year or so. I feel like my blog encompasses and really reflects the kinds of topics most young female bloggers talk about, with the one exception being the quite huge category of fashion. I think there might be one photo from back when I started posting last year that actually shows my whole body. However since then I have gained a lot of weight and that and the fact I don't have the most amazing dress sense has meant I've never really felt confident enough to share pictures of my entire body for any reason, as weird as that sounds. 

That and a lot of things that have occurred over the past year has led me to wanting to chat to you all a little about body confidence and my thoughts on it. Since the age of around 15 my average weight of around 8ish stone for someone of my short size has grown rapidly. It really started around the time one of my best friends took her life and the leaving of my secondary school to what would be the worst year of my life, spent at a college I hated, really learning the true extent of my personal anxieties and stress disorder. I've always been a foodie but it got to the point where I would go out at lunch and buy food with whatever money I could to comfort eat, and then when I got home once my parents went to bed that is when the raiding of my kitchen cupboards began. It even got to the point where eating 4 chocolate bars and a load of sweets at 12 at night was normal for me. 

Since getting to nearly 11 stone around Christmas, I came back from my emotional low around February which you may remember was when I pledged to go on a diet and visit the gym most days, which I managed to do till around April, and lost a few pounds until like most crash diets I ended up going back to normal. However I haven't been eating anywhere near to the extent that I was around December time, I am pleased to say. 

Having these anxieties all the time combined with emotional eating is something that is really hard to be ok with. I have this constant worrying in my head that people don't like me and stress about what people think of me all the time, yet this causes me to emotionally eat which obviously makes me bigger, which is just really illogical and frustrating for me. I personally hate it when people say "oh if you want to lose weight just eat less and exercise", you know in that tone that makes it sound like it's so easy to just do it. I mean I appreciate being given advice and encouragement but we all know how to lose weight and it's really ignorant to assume it's that easy for someone to just flick a switch and suddenly lose weight. Especially if like me it feels completely out of your control.

As frustrating as it is and I'll always wish I looked like my super skinny sister and not want to cry when trying on clothes in shops, as we all know loving and excepting yourself is so important to just be happy and live your life to the fullest. Being happy with how I look has been really hard for me in the past few years, all of a sudden I noticed guys weren't really as interested in me and things like my prom proved way too stressful than they needed to be. Trying on clothes is where it hits me hardest and seeing myself in photos, it's a shame that we automatically see the negatives of our bodies rather than the smile on our faces and the good times we were having. 

Recently I've been really trying to be more positive and live my life properly if that makes sense. I've been cooking so much and it's really made me more conscious of what I'm eating in that I'm making sure to eat more fruit and drink more water, and not in a diet sort of way where it feels forced. I still get those moments when I don't feel normal, and just to put it bluntly gross because of my weight. It's something that will always be there but I would rather be accepting of it than pretend it doesn't exist. It's weird really because I've always strived to be an understanding person and never judge people so it's strange that I judge myself so harshly all the time instead of just focusing on who I am as a person.

At the end of the day in order to accept ourselves we have to be realistic, because looks aren't important. The whole idea of beauty is so superficial and shallow, and being healthy and happy is  just so much more important. Life is far too short to feel sorry for yourself all the time, because you'll regret it, remember carpe diem! And finally always remember that no one is perfect and no one is completely happy with their appearance, that's just the way it is, even someone you may think is perfect, could be so unhappy about certain aspects of themselves.

I don't really have a conclusion to this ramble of sorts because I think body confidence and acceptance is a working progress, there's always going to be setbacks and obstacles because we all have off days. Just remember you aren't the only person who feels this way and there's more to life than looks as difficult as that may be to see sometimes. You are beautiful. Whether you are skinny or chubby or something in between, and just because you don't fit societies's mould of perfection doesn't mean you aren't perfect just as you are. So start loving yourself because there are way more interesting things about you than your looks, and we all need to start believing that and start focusing on our personalities and talents. 

In the words of the ever fabulous Ru Paul "if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here?" haha 

Thank you so much for reading, it means the world. Have a great day xx